Okay, so this one here is about transformation. And I’m going to do it as in transformation within the therapeutic modality that I work with.
So I want to break it into four different segments.
The first one is why should you consider transformation?
If you have any difficulties making sense of your life, or you have issues that you keep bumping up to… you should consider exploring a transformational process.
This includes anything that is causing you not to feel you’re having the most pleasurable life experience. Doesn’t matter if it’s in your work, relationship or intimacy, or addiction.
Transformation isn’t only for people that are on the quest for higher meaning. If you sit down and ask yourself questions like, “Why am I here? Why is something in my life not working? I want more in my life.” You’re asking yourself about transformation.
So those are just a few of the reasons why I suggest you might start exploring any kind of transformation.
The next piece of the transformation is how. How do we transform?
I believe that anything and everything you choose to do that helps you confront any issues you might be up against causes transformation to happen.
By facing these issues, you will set something in motion. It doesn’t matter if you decide to stop doing something or start doing something. The fact that you’re getting confronted the issue starts the transformational process.
Let’s say somebody is overweight. They want to lose weight. So, they start to eat less food (this is the action). By starting to eat less, they set off a transformational process. What will likely happen is they’ll start to feel the emotions behind their relationship with food and weight.
By feeling these emotions, instead of repressing them, they continue the transformational process. This is the key. If you don’t stop to feel the emotion behind whatever pattern you’re attempting to change, no transformation will happen.
This is one of the reasons why so many people fluctuate in weight. If they don’t deal with the underlying issues, then they’re very likely to go back to where they came from. Of course, this is why having a therapist or coach to guide you through this portion of the process is so helpful. It’s very, very easy to slip back into your old habits at this stage.
And this is true for any sort of addictive personality or behavior. Whether it’s work, drugs, sex, porn, or even aggression. Whatever it is you want to change, there is an underlying emotional issue behind it.
So, anytime you start to question any of those things, then transformation starts to happen.
From there, you get to choose which tools you want to use for the process. To go back to the therapeutic modality that I do, somatic therapy, I’ve used somatic therapy to help people with many, many issues. Everything from porn addiction, drinking, drugs, shopping, to sex.
In the process of transformation, many therapists will simply have you talk through your emotional experience rather than process it through your body.
The trouble with this talking about your emotions doesn’t always mean you’re feeling them. To truly transform, you must allow yourself to fully experience whatever emotion lies under the surface. One of the fastest and most reliable ways to feel those emotions is through the body.
By doing so, you’re literally changing the physical structure of your body, as well. Your body holds emotion just like a memory foam mattress. It holds the imprint of the emotion. By feeling the emotion through the body, and letting the energy release, it’s like you’re getting up off the mattress so it can reset itself.
The third piece I just want to touch on briefly is when to explore transformation.
I believe being alive is a continuous process of transformation. Therefore, it’s always the “right” time.
We never stay in the same spot for more than a second, and we never come back to the same spot ever again. We’re never the same person again. This means every microsecond of the day you, me, and the rest of the world are transforming, we’re changing.
However, it is fairly easy to fall into a habitual pattern where you get up and you do the same thing every day. Some people say 95% of what we do every day is habitual. Meaning whatever you did yesterday, you’ll do today, and you’ll do again tomorrow.
This means there’s only a very small amount of space in our everyday routine open to new things.
I think most people have had an experience of going on vacation, and they couldn’t differentiate one day from the next. Why is that? Because they’re just hanging out at the pool doing the same thing every day. And that’s absolutely delightful if that’s what you’re after. But if you want to change and transform quickly, then seek out a therapeutic modality to speed up the process.
Some people come into therapy when they have a crisis. Some people come into therapy out of curiosity. I, myself came to therapy because I was in a challenging situation. I was probably a couple of clicks away from being in a crisis. I’ll probably share more about this in another post.
Point is, wherever you are in your life, right now is the time for transformation.
The last piece I want to talk about is the result of transformation.
And really, this question is asking, what’s the reason for transformation?
I think you will probably get very different answers if you ask a group of people. But if I were to get it into one major response it’s to get to know yourself. Ultimately, that’s what this is about.
Understanding every reaction or pattern you have in your life is probably one of the most freeing things you can do for yourself. Once you understand your reactions and patterns, you can become objective in any situation. And when you’re objective in a situation, then you have choices.
For me, that is freedom.
Because it means that whenever something comes at me, I usually have a certain amount of time to respond or react to it. This is important because the second you react to something is the second you give your power away to whatever triggered you.
It takes time, effort, and energy to find these triggers, however. That’s why most people don’t do it. They don’t have the drive to better themselves.
For those who do, I don’t care how many hours you put into your own work, it’s never going to end. I have probably done over 1000 hours of therapy, and I still find spots where I get triggered and stuck.
One of the areas that I get caught up in is with my teenage daughter. I know she’s 18 and she’s really branching out and, and living her life on her own terms. I am very, very supportive of it. I give her as much as I possibly can.
But I have to admit that I have screwed up royally over the last couple of years. I made the mistake of not taking a couple of seconds to respond instead of reacting when she brought things up to me. I lost my temper. I got scared. I got distrustful.
And it was all because I was just afraid that something’s going to happen to her when she ventures out and lives her life on her own terms. But, as you know, we have to get knocked around a bit in the beginning. Especially until we figure out the rhythm of life.
So transformation is not about seeking perfection and seeking a place where you never fail. Because you will.
As we grow and transform, you’re going to do things that you regret or that you would do differently if you had had a chance to think it through. It’s not seeking perfection. It’s really just about gathering more tools to work through your process, whatever it may be.
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