This week I thought I’d do something slightly different.
I thought I’d share three body-based techniques I use in my sessions all the time… and share how you can use them in your own life.
All of them are powerful techniques you can use to create trust, shift beliefs in yourself and others, and call out an unconscious (or conscious) lie.
Before I share them with you, I need you to agree to something.
The techniques you learn in this post could easily be applied for harm. By reading this post, you agree to use them only to create more connection, more love, and more trust in the world.
If you agree, please continue reading.
How to Use “Mirroring” to Create Trust
I use a technique called mirroring all the time in my sessions.
Mirroring is when you try to emulate what another person is doing. You don’t necessarily tell them, but what you’re doing is showing them the way they come across.
This might remind you of an annoying kid on the playground who wouldn’t stop copying you, but what usually happens is it builds a sense of safety and trust.
There’s a general psychological principle that states we’re more likely to trust someone that’s similar to us than someone who is different. So the more closely you can mirror someone’s body language, gestures, and tone of voice, the more safe and secure they feel with you.
Imagine you’re hosting a party and your friend brings in a new guest. They don’t know anyone and you can tell they feel insecure. Their energy is pulled in. Maybe they’re a little hunched over to protect their heart. When people try to talk to them, they look down toward the ground and look at their feet or the carpet.
You probably wouldn’t go up to this person and start shouting at them or joking with them like you might with an old friend.
Instead, you’d approach them gently. Perhaps you consciously lower your shoulders a bit. You start a conversation but don’t make a lot of eye contact right away. You attempt to mirror their energy back to them.
This is a very similar process to what I might do in a session with a particularly nervous new client.
When somebody comes in and they’re relatively new to the work, I don’t want to use body language that either frightens, provokes, or intimidates them.
What I want to do is build a relationship of safety with them. I want to create a sense of alliance, safety, comradery, and unity. I always hold in my mind that this person is coming to me to help them explore something that they have a very hard time exploring on their own.
That’s vulnerable, but also very courageous.
The reason for mirroring body language to create a safe environment and an alliance with my client.
How to Use Body Language to Tell if Someone is Lying
Now, you can use body language to tell if someone is lying to you… or if they’re lying to themselves.
For example, when someone is talking about a certain way of being, but their body language is not backing that up, they may be experiencing a psycho-somatic disconnect. They’re expressing one thing, but their body language tells a different story.
You don’t necessarily want to call them out on it. But you can if you want to.
You might share with them that you have a hard time believing what they’re saying. In many cases, someone will get curious and ask what you mean.
Then you can show them the same body position they were in. Then ask them to tell you what the posture says. More often than not, they’ll realize the disconnection. This works very well if you truly believe someone is lying to you, or if you want to help a friend realize a new perspective.
Essentially, you mirror back to them the way the world is seeing them, which is very different from what comes out of their mouth.
How to Use the Body to Change a False Belief
There are times someone might feel very strongly about something. They have a very firm belief.
Oftentimes, this means they’ve thought themselves into a belief that they are some particular way and they can’t change.
If I work with someone in this situation, I might ask them to do an experiment with me. I ask them to stand up tall, pull their belly in a little bit, lift the chest up, and have them repeat the same story to me one more time while in that position, very often vulnerability comes up.
Many times people go to tears or have a hard time getting the words out. Now they FEEL what they’re telling me instead of THINK what they’re telling me.
What’s going on here?
It’s because most things we do are not determined by what we say or what we think. It’s about how we present ourselves.
You can use this to change your own beliefs as well. If you notice you say something and your body reacts differently than you know it should, that’s a signal you probably don’t truly believe what you’re saying. It’s a signal you’re repeating a story.
Try repeating the same thing while holding the body posture you KNOW you should have when you say it. Notice what happens. Pay attention to the emotion that comes up… and let go of the story. Perhaps something better is waiting for you on the other side.
Try Somatic Therapy for Free
If you’d like to experience somatic therapy for yourself, it’s my mission to support you as a client.
I’ll ask you some questions about what’s happening in your life and answer any questions you have about my work, and somatic therapy. If it doesn’t feel like a good fit, I’ll let you know or you can let me know. There’s no pressure to work together.
Click the link below and we can find a time that works for you and schedule your complimentary 30-minute session: https://nicolaigrosell.com/contact/